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EXPERIENCES IN MENTAL HEALTH CARING |
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GEORGINA WAKEFIELD ‘ENIGMA’ |
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KITH AND KIN (Sixties Press 2004) CONTENTS |
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GEORGINA WAKEFIELD
‘ENIGMA’
Schizophrenia, madness insanity Or condition that lacks humanity Desperate for understanding and starving for some support Carers soldier on Exhausted anxious and totally stressed The threads of pleasure all gone But let’s not talk about it Talking isn’t allowed so with the alienation of a leper We stand all alone in the crowd Sadness and shame laced with disbelief Invades each waking day Empathy and understanding so rarely comes our way Our sufferers deserve some justice recognition for their strength Our carers need support with the way their lives are spent So let’s dissolve these misconceptions stuck so hard to us like glue Let’s disperse the fear and ignorance that makes it so taboo Because our shame is born of ignorance Our pain is caused by stigma So let’s tear down all the barriers creating this enigma
I was talking to a carer last night whose son is only 20 years old, ten years younger than mine. She asked me whether I thought it was harder for us the mothers or for our sons, a loaded question to say the least; she then asked me if I would try to write something to explain what I felt. This next poem is the result of the conversation
‘MOTHER AND SON’
I often wonder whose pain has been worse As we travel on through this endless curse I witness your total isolation You witness our united cemented frustration I often wonder how long it can last With so many sad memories locked away in our past The years come and go Futile wasted time As we walk our parallel painful line I often wonder what might have been If fate hadn’t shattered your life’s young dream I often wonder and question why you? Someone so honest, so kind and so true So many questions without any answers You were robbed of so many exciting chances One thing is for sure there is less pain to come For me your mother and for you my son
‘MOVING MOUNTAINS’
There were so many times that I almost gave up Far too many for me to recall I was far too depleted to pick myself up From each painful relentless fall Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to suffer like this Whilst others basked in the pleasures of life I would ponder about all that I’d missed I grew sick of the depot injections Administered by my nurse What had I done in my young life to deserve this relentless curse? But with love and support I came through the maze And although it was hard I have proved That though mountains are high and forboding Mountains are there to be moved
PEOPLE WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA
My son suffers from schizophrenia I am often heard to say I feel I must educate people I feel I must show them the way Some tend to get embarrassed Then unsure how to react I understand their reasons When I say it so matter of fact It’s hard to believe its me I covered it up for years Never daring to share my secret Harbouring so many fears I was always so petrified felt it best to hide it away My son suffers from his nerves I was often heard to say To this day I still feel guilty I was weak for such a long time How dare I hide it away As if he’d committed a crime Now I tell them I’m proud of my son I frequently use his name Rid of the feelings of secrecy Along with the feelings of shame They stem from not enough learning but it’s only Fair to say That if schizophrenia hadn’t touched my life I’d surely be the same way now I’m happy to tell our story The conclusion to 15 long years To try to tell dispel the stigma See an end to frustrated tears So try not to be like I was Ashamed, bewildered and sad Then one day with education Things won’t be quite so bad We’ll talk openly about schizophrenia We’ll share our worries and fears no more deep dark secrets No more lonely tears If we bring things out into the open We’ll gain respect from the media And at last they will know the truth about People with schizophrenia
PART OF THRU THE MAZE ‘THE WHOLE BLOODY WORLD SHOULD KNOW’
They say we mustn’t fight back So we hide in the shadows again But they don’t have any insight Into the depth of our pain
They say we should keep it a secret Hide it away forever There’s no room for us in their world We’ll have to stick together
Like a handful of frightened lepers Too weak to face the media Our cloaks become painful and heavy Under the guise of schizophrenia
They advise us to stay very silent Just allow them to use their sick names Loony, psycho, schizo, To make us feel more ashamed
They don’t want them living on their street There’s no room here for the insane So we scurry back into the shadows Even though were not to blame
They believe were all axe wielding maniacs If only they knew the truth They strip us bare of our dignity No compassion for the loss of our youth Were all sick of the names that they call us Were bruised by the stones that they throw Schizophrenia’s about human beings And the whole bloody world should know
‘LABELS’
‘DOUBLE ‘D’ OR DUAL DIAGNOSIS’
Double d or dual diagnosis addictions Drugs and full blown psychosis Double whammy double d’ A game called labels play with me Lets play a game its called labels Which label would you prefer? Iv’e got a good un its schitzo She’s got 2 though ask her Well iv’e got loony and scag head Iv’e got more there’s smack head too Lets try labelling other illness’s Like diabetes - cancer too Nothing springs to your mind? How about tumour face? Say that in the street and they’ll lynch You mate That really is a disgrace But whats the problem its still an illness Just like all of the rest Yeah but with cancer there’s There’s compassion and sympathy Your treated real good and that’s best But we all know that both is an illness How come ‘s one has a label That’s easy people don’t understand They see us as evil - unstable Labels Christ who needs em? There real bad take it from me But with a label like dual diagnosis Double whammy double d Labels Christ who needs em? There real bad you take it from me But with a label like dual diagnosis
‘PROUD’
This 30 year old that you see suffers from schizophrenia He suffers each day in silence with a kind and gentle demeanour Look deeply beyond his label to the baby I held in my arms To the cheeky mischevious 4 year old who captured the world with his charms To the bright intelligent 10 year old who excelled at school in his study To the 12 year old football fanatic who’d come home exhausted and muddy To the carefree handsome teenager who would greet me each day with a kiss Yo the son I would lay down my life for To the man I was destined to miss Because my son was sent on a journey there were demons that he had to face Along with horrific memories that he struggles each day to erase A journey so long and relentless that we can never measure his pain So many times he would stumble and fall and rise to his feet yet again Now he’s quiet and unassuming and though he might not stand out in the crowd He’s the son he was always destined to be and 1 word describes my feelings and That’s proud
‘SCHIZOPHRENIA’S LABEL’
They queue up once a month For inter muscular injections Degrading but not as painful as public misconceptions Desperate for understanding And some much deserved humanity But it comes in meagre doses For those who lose their sanity So protected by whisperings, secrets, and lies Schizophrenia dons a good disguise It hides in the shadows it lurks in our homes We become it’s subsurvient well behaved clones Schizophrenia says jump we say how high Schizophrenia says right up there to the sky We bow and we scrape to its endless demands Dutifully performing to each evil command We hide in the shadows feeling so ill at ease Yet this enigma’s been here for centuries We hide the truth from our relatives Too scared to face the reaction it gives Schizophrenia’s aware that were scared of the word Cunningly pleased that its rarely heard So many dying to say but, but, but, It’s dutifull servants keep their mouths tightly shut Schizophrenia has only one evil friend The tabloids so willing and happy to send Their misguided message all part of the plan For a few more to totally misunderstand They inject the media’s vulnerable mind With words like schizo how very unkind We must show this monster it’s no longer in charge Strip it bare of its evil ca’mouflage Till it cowers in a corner and people are able To see far beyond schizophrenia’s label
‘LOW LIFE DRUGGIE SCUM’
Schizophrenia – full blown pychosis Cannabis, drugs, dual diagnosis Somebodies daughter somebodies son Low life pathetic druggie scum Round and round the system Through the ever revolving door Legal drugs, illegal drugs, What the hells it all for? Psychosis or drugs which came first Can we ever quench their endless thirst? Magic mushrooms dope or skunk Cut the drugs with any junk Clozaril, piportil olanzapine Which one shall we try this time? Inter muscular depot injections Depletes all feelings of affection Schizophrenia full blown psychosis Cannabis drugs and dual diagnosis Out on the streets and ready to score Then back through the ever revolving door Without compassion they will turn and run To prove that their low life druggie scum
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One Carer’s Story - Barry Tebb Schizophrenia - A Carer’s Journal - Mike Schizophrenia – A Mother’s Story – Georgina Wakefield My Journey Of Sadness – Stan Hagon The Voice Of Carers – Amanda Cummin Yemeni Carers’ Stories – Debjani Chaterjee Beyond Our Reach, But Not Our Love – Brian D’arcy Carry On Caring – Emily Machin & Lucy Machin Enigma And Other Poems - Georgina Wakefield Killingbeck Drive – Brenda Williams Searching The Beyond And Other Poems – Daisy Abey Sharp Edge – Daisy Abey The Long Good Bye – Barry Tebb Looking Back – Barry Tebb Nameless In Camden – Brenda Williams Autobiography – Simon Jenner The Sick Image Of My Father Fades – John Horder Are You A Carer? Caring About Carers
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